Auschwitz

Working on this book, (reading Tillich's History of Christian Thought--Jesus that guy was a f'in genius), I realize where I could really be heading with this systematic stuff. The priesthood, theologian, and probably psychologist route (with a possible sub-interest in parapsychology, micro-transformative communities, and the like). Recapitulating the western paradigms of growth in one person. Didn't Foucault trace the origins of the couch to the confessional?

Or work in aid and development in some form or other. Maybe in the Muslim world. Population issues, ecology, economic and cultural, intellectual rights.

In Wilberian fashion, we back up to where they agree. I find two: 1. The Great Work (a non-Flatland yet still Liberal World), wherein the human and biological systems mutually enhance putting more emphasis to the former of course but justice and compassion for each 2. Reduction of suffering, Prime Directive, pushing consciousness just a tad.

Thing is I can never really know which will bring greater depth for greater span. Struggled with this all my life. I think deeper down I know the call is to the integralist academic-theologian-priest-psychologist route (not in order of importance per se). I've spent most of my life staying up on these other topics--biotech, ecological capitalism, ethics of population-sexuality, and all the rest. Perhaps if I stay within the 1st frame, I may find a way to bridge the gap to the second.

Of course neither 1 nor 2 is really 1 or 2. Both are the exterior manfiestations of the more inward and much more important realm--my spiritual development into union (God willing) and perhas beyond.

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Amrita Nadi--Spiritual Anatomy. The organ par excellence of the Mystical Body, the Ubiquity of the Ascended, Cosmic (Kosmic) Christ. Just this.

I don't know if Da really was the first and only to ever introduce it. Doesn't matter. What is certain is that after him, all can feel it. The Current of Love-Bliss in my Causal, sacred Heart. (Always wish there was a middle case for that s/S). Nothing to avoid or seize. I must constantly re-cognize that the (non)issue about #1 or #2 doesnt' ultimately matter--doesn't matter in the deep sleep. Where can I express this love most greatly...energetics hard to "calculate" in the Moral (Non)Calculation.

Simply look into programs for psychology and the int'l work with a sense of experimentation--as unable to fail, not always constricted and locked into imperfection.

Plans, numbers to heal, things to fix and evolve, movements to shape, issues to overcome, problems to tackle. All fine and good. But not Amrita Nadi. Not the ground of such ventures. Not the essence of such actions.

Eat me O Black One. O Goddess of my Delight. You want me, this I know. As I once said, You are the grinder, I the meat. What heaven, what hell, what of it? Your love suffuses both. No interest in either. Just this, in whatever realm, in whatever form. What is this? What is that in me which always already knows? What is that in me which is always already joyful, blissful, ecstastic? AND why do I not focus on that--why do I focus on all else but that one of ultimately interesting concern? The only thing actually worth finding out about. All else is dead. I can feel it rise within me as I type, propelled by an ancient aching, to discover the secret of why we "involved" ourselves in all of this, why we prodigally departed from our homeland to this exile among the pigs of destruction, the slaves and servants of ignorance, the husks of violence, and the slop of hard day to day existence?

Rip me Donna-Ma, all is sacrifice, show me this dark, beautiful wisdom of yours. Show me no resistance, even more opening, to this divine onslaught? Leave me to die in this world and resurrect in no other; if you want it, it is enough for me. I am your child, your very self, your crismon-black heart. Awaken me to you, as you, for you. Burn us all, make us a holocaust to your name, sweet smelling on the altar of your numinous, horrific yet tantalizing altar. Show me love without bounds. Show me Absolute Love. Burn me in your Pentecostal Fire, outshine all conditions and barriers, all attention and energy, with this ABSOLUTE LOVE.