"In-here" and/vs. In-side

The year comes to an end--as we enter the half-year of the first decade of the 21st century and 3rd millenium (CE that is).

Had a strange experience at the aquarium today--what I can only describe as nature mysticism or psychic consciousness. Felt a powerful yet fairly subdued energetic pulse, running through my body, the water, the walls, the fish, the chattering, toiling, hurried families and masses. Felt really clear through my chest and down into my thighs and feet.

It is precisely in these moments that I feel healthiest in relation to the gross realm and yet also feeling the pull to transcendence. Not despising or repressing the waking dream, just not as profoundly moved as once was.

Deep compassion in this place. For the victims of the flood. For wanting a world that unites nature and nation naturally--in mutually enhancing, realistic, ethical, integral ways.

Spent the holidays in a much more pluralistic, secular setting than my previous more religious holiday observances. Found both good, but lacking in the one thing that really pulls me anymore...spiritual training, consciousness exploration. But not to wear that stuff like a badge either. After this experience here, really less and less interested in trying to impress people with "spiritual-ese" or talk about how one is dedicated to depth and yet bears ambiguous fruit.

I can feel the attention, the focus, the contraction. It becomes more and more painful to actually feel it happening, moment by aching moment.

It is a great blessing--death. It is a great blessing that the body is programmed to self-destruct, as is the ego. If I just follow its development, its terminus is annihilation. It would be nice at some point, to be rid of myself. Not out of hatred, but almost purely out of curiosity. More importantly though working from a sane interior disposition--since there is no interior (no exterior) at that point. Nothing to hide because there is no inside wherein to hide.

Why be profound or profound imitating. It, which is no "it" but rather "iting", watery not water as Plato once said, heading along waiting for these humans (or human-ings) to build with intuition, to evolve (somewhat?) consciously.