Green Shoot

My eyes are soft-wet,
Vulnerable as my heart.
I want to love you more,
but I do not.
Apparently only part, (or maybe none)
wants to give this gift.
I'm leaving you.
I don't know if we will be together again.
Why now, why like this?

I will miss so much.
The way my arm always slung the wrong way,
You gently nudging it back around your chest
away from your delicate, creamy white neck.
Your smile, your charm,
Your ridiculous, non-sensical retorts to my logical world.
Some days I feel I am running from you,
Scared of failure, scared of being the fool.
I worry about our soon-to-be broken hearts.

Nothing meshes perfectly in this hamstrung world,
We are no exception.
Yet everyday I wake up and somehow you show up,
And somehow, even more remarkably, I don't send you away.
Or you wake up and we reverse roles,
With the same result.

I have never loved as I have loved you.
I could never express the depths of my sorrow
for all that I have done (and not done) to hurt you.
Please forgive me.
My love has been weak and inconsistent.

A lot of this is coming crashing down,
When I thought it behind me.
There is no argument, no blame
no despair.
I am wide-open,
You a suicide bomber blowing your love-sharpnel
through my very core.
Your ball bearings of chids, looks, and coyness
Tearing my resistance and mental formality.

Like a character in a novel,
You distracted my best laid plans,
While you shrieked from the mice, and I from men
and their wicked, brutal ways.

The sprite of my heart, the wood nymph fairy of my dreams,
A mermaid who rescued me from drowning
In a sea of a untapped emotions.

At times, I pushed when I should have embraced
Poked where massaging was required.
But you In-CLINED to my too often "patsy" attitude,
'Cause after all I am just a man.

I love you
My beloved Lover.
Sign of LOVE itself
and her ununderstandable ways.
My Shakti-Kali Ma.
Flow into my being once more,
Lightening and destroying everything you encounter.
Melt me in the furnance of your body,
Liquefy whatever dross remains.

There is nothing left for you to steal,
For I give it to you freely.