Tuesday, April 17, 2007

The Dark Side of the Authentic Self

I've noticed this pattern that occurs after immersing myself in the collective emergence space, as I did last night. It takes awhile for me to remember the pattern of this occurrence after the experience. It happened again today. And again it took me some hours to realize what was going on.

There is a major downturn after "it" fades. If that is the right term. Fading I mean. The emergence (indigo/violet, 3rd-tier) fading. The Authentic Self sense dissipating in other words.

The feeling that occurs is like scraping your knee on the concrete. It's raw, visceral. After the initial shock, pain subside slightly, there is still this ugly scar. The higher I guess creates more momentum so that the fall falls lower. If that makes any sense. The constriction actually in this post-fall state is greater than day to day constriction, contraction.

The ego is fairly nasty in this state. I don't know if because it has been diminished for some time, fairly significantly, so that when it returns it has little to no pretense anymore. It's just comes out in its rawer naked form.

I need to learn to respond better to its arising. Recognize it much more quickly for what it is, so that it can relaxed into and seen through.

2 Comments:

At 12:44 PM, Anonymous Per said...

This is a very familiar pattern for me too, although it seems to wear off with time. I guess we come to know, beyond an intellectual knowing, that it is just a state, and it comes and goes as anything else. Nice when it is here, but temporary. For me, it is an invitation to notice that which does not come and go, and to stay with that more.

 
At 12:50 PM, Blogger CJ Smith said...

Per,

Thanks for the note. Very wise advice. Definitely that which can smile at the whole process up/down (as it were) is deeper still.

 

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