stumbling blocks

Haven't written about integral theory for quite some time. Joe Perez is off and running with his Kronos--definitely worth the read. He is creating a workable integral praxis through his own reflections and the contentless aqal frame.

He's encouraged me to do the same, and while I appreciate the nudge, I just don't have the inspiration, energy, and/or interest for now.

The openintegral site and integralworld sites are increasingly not connecting with me. Or I with them probably. Haven't for awhile honestly. I've never gotten into Zaadz--it just isn't really for me. I'm glad its out there; I'm glad others groove to it, but it's definitely not my thing. Matthew's got Polysemy, which is very cool, but I'm not an artist, art critic, aesthetics kinda guy. And in charity, let's just say I'm not a monster fan of the kenwilber blog.

I like what ebud is pointing to in this post--about a different type of forum for interchange, Vince also with a good comment on same post.

But otherwise I'm struggling to find a voice and outlet. My school personae is extremely separate from this blogging one. Still searching for an outlet for integral discourse and theology in the school. Haven't found it exactly yet. That's not to say there aren't other positive attributes--the people, my studies, teachers--there are just in this one arena not much action.

Next week I'm off school so my blogging should increase. Also hopefully will give me some time to think about these issues. I've reached a bit of a stuck place, certainly wouldn't describe it as a dead-end as of yet. Or perhaps more not the direction but the spacing--a wider net to be cast somehow?

After a few years of struggling with the theories, I've more or less come to a place I'm happy (or at least ok) with regarding my lens/view. Where I need work and am not pleased with myself is now putting that into practice or less action-oriented sounding, connections both interior and exterior as it were.

That attempt has been somewhat stalled by the fact that my prime area to do such is of course the Church, but school is overburdening my time to make wider (non-seminary, non-diocesan) contacts, although I am going to a student's theology conference in a little over a week. Also the Anglican Church is embroiled in some serious issues (see here) and that affects morale, regardless of positions taken.

What I have some facility in is people who are already, as it were, pushing integral as a human wave, who start having the existential, ethical, mental questions/concerns connected with that shift. But I don't know how to bridge the gap--are their moments when that desire is lying waiting to be called forth? I'm not talking about proselytizing, new converts (like my former self) are plenty fine for that. It's one thing as I often say and practice (I think) to feel into perspectives, to be in the truth(s) people are expressing, another to no longer have one's own voice.

In Christian theology circles, one backdoor way I guess is to speak as someone representing a mystical track. That language is (somewhat? barely?) understood and I think has a certain authority, but it is "just" traditional state mystical readings. Worldviews, spiraling vertical and horizontal perspectives, ethics, communicative reason, grounding truths, the things philosophically and theologically I imagine I'm most interested in get left out. And I think the mystical track is much better suited, a la Meister Eckhart's sermons, to a liturgical setting because then you are inviting contemplation into the mysteries already being celebrated (Eucharist) in front of oneself. Outside a liturgical setting, the mystical readings I think are often "nice" maybe "inspiring" but nothing much more.

I tried for a very short time (maybe once, twice) to identify my thinking, my identity as post-postmodern. That went nowhere fast. I want to keep that part of me alive--in the formal sense of writing, speaking, thinking about it--but it does fade quite often in my day to day life. For a while I think that was a good thing and it allowed to me to let go of needs to integrate or push the matter, but now I wonder whether it hasn't gone too far in the other direction and become a white flag waving exercise?

We'll see, don't really have the time now to explore it enough, but keeping an intention around finding a way forward I think is a good start.